I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had sex on a roof
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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