I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
