I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
