it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
