plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
