ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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