hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
