youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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