Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
