So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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