yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He passed out mid-signature
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
