I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
