Banned from zoo.
Again?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
