god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
