So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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