To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
