There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
