you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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