I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Boobs speak an international language.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
