guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
