I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize