I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I want a musical about memes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
