I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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