no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
