It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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