I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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