I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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