TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
