I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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