honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
