i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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