We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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