they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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