You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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