I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
