i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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