So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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