My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
