we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I did not marry a roomba.
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