I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
