I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Boobs speak an international language.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
