we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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