it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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