Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
