highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
