I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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