A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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