Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
