So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
