Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
