Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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