Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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