smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
smell my finger.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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