I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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