I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
