i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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