So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
