I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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