sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
