I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
