When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
