at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
