The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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