Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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