i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude i'm inner monologue high
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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