So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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