I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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