They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
