a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
