I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
